you traded sex for a burrito?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I want a musical about memes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
