you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
