wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
