I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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