Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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