Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
