i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
