Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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