Acid is not a monday night drug
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
