You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
