I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
