you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
