omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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