Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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