Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
