My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
