He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
