yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A bitchslap is in order.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
