i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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