you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
