In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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