why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
