I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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