Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
