Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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