I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
