I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
