New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
