i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
