there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
