Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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