I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
