Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
