How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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