shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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