I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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