Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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