Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
