there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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