sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
