oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
