i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
