I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
