I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
