you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
