My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
