do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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