Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
