didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
