I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
