I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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